Many years ago, before I even thought of having children, I came across “A Memorandum from your Child,” and it made a lot of sense to me. So, I kept it. Now over 20 years later with one child in our home, the message still resonates with me. And if I listen very closely, I can hear Mathew whispering these parenting tips to me on a daily basis.
A Memorandum from your Child
- DO NOT spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I’m only testing you.
- DO NOT be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.
- DO NOT use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.
- DO NOT be inconsistent with me. That confuses me and makes me try to get away with everything I can.
- DO NOT make promises; you may not be able to keep them. That will discourage my trust in you.
- DO NOT fall for my provocations when I say and do things just to upset you. Then I’ll try for other such “victories.”
- DO NOT be too upset when I say, “I hate you.” I do not mean it, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.
- DO NOT make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a “big shot”.
- DO NOT do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.
- DO NOT let my “bad habits” get me a lot of attention. It only encourages me to continue them.
- DO NOT correct me in front of people. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
- DO NOT try to discuss my behavior in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse. It is all right to take the action required, but let’s not talk about it until later.
- DO NOT try to preach to me. You would be surprised how well I know what’s right and wrong.
- DO NOT make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I am no good.
- DO NOT nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
- DO NOT demand explanations for my wrong behavior. I really do not know why I did that.
- DO NOT tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.
- DO NOT forget that I love and use experimenting. I learn from it so please put up with it.
- DO NOT protect me from consequences. I need to learn from experience.
- DO NOT take too much notice of my small ailments. I may learn to enjoy poor health if it gets me much attention.
- DO NOT put me off when I ask HONEST questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
- DO NOT answer “SILLY” or meaningless questions. I just want to keep you busy with me.
- DO NOT ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
- DO NOT ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too much to live up to.
- DO NOT worry about the little amount of time we spend together. It is how we spend it that counts.
- DO NOT let my fears arouse your anxiety. Then I will become more afraid. Show me courage.
- DO NOT forget that I cannot strive without lots of understanding and encouragement; but I do not need to tell you that…do I?
~Author Unknown~
Great memo. I must have read this before because it seems to be my credence. Thank you for sharing. I would like to share this on my wall.
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