I have never been the type of person to wish away time. I have always tried my best to cherish each moment and never cared for time to move more swiftly so I could get to the weekend, my driver’s license, legally drink, finish school or even give birth. I have always felt the journey was more exciting and interesting than the destination. Sure, there are no absolutes and the birth of Mathew is one of those gray areas. I had a fabulous pregnancy and knew eventually Mathew would show himself and my life would change forever. I never saw a reason to rush it and it never occurred to me that he was in no rush either. He was 9 days late (that is, if we believe the doctor’s prediction was correct), I had a 36 hour labor, pushed for 6 hours and he crowned for three. Life is never a free ride and if I had to choose 9 months of a hellish pregnancy or 6 hours of intense labor. I’ll take the latter, without a doubt.
Although, I have tried my best to treasure each moment with Mathew, he has become a fixture in our lives for more than a decade. I still cannot believe that everything has happened so quickly. But what is more astounding to me is that I have just taken my 50th lap around the sun. It really is inconceivable and it just does not compute. Moreover, I just don’t feel that old. That is as long as I don’t look into the mirror, I think of myself as 25 years old ~ the time when I had my share of adventures but ready for oh so much more. But in reality, when you think about it, I am more than likely half way done with my life. When I turned 45, I accepted that I was middle aged ~ to live 90 years seems rather respectable. Of course, it is possible to live to 100, but I am not sure I would even want to.
This is what 50 looks like
So, I am trying to accept that I have less time on this earth than I have already had the privilege to experience. I would love to tell you that I have taken an inventory and worked out a plan but that is simply not me. Nevertheless, I feel a need to be more productive with the “things” that energize my soul, without letting them become “chores” which typically happens. I tend to tire of chores and lose my ambition to complete them after awhile. My house has become a victim of this issue. What I have learned is that when things are passions, they are not chores and leave a positive mark on our lovely world. The next step is to cultivate my passions, find more passions and live life to the fullest. I have always had these goals in the back of my mind but now they will be pulled to the front of the line. I still do not have a list but I think I am going in the right direction. My goal is to continue to be present in the moment and not hurry time. Hey, time marches on regardless. But also, I want to focus my pursuits on what fills my soul, in hopes that they will leave a positive mark when I am gone.
Have you taken an inventory of your life recently? Please share and I will continue to share.