Category Archives: Life

Refueling when it’s in short supply

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Recently, I have been looking at my role in this world. I am not one of those people who believe I have a mighty hand in choosing my basic role. After living almost 50 years full of adventures and challenges, my basic role has remained rather consistent regardless of the position or situation. Although, I do believe I have control over my attitude and how I approach life, my role is somewhat beyond my control. We all have many hats and responsibilities in our lives ~ mine are daughter, friend, companion, caretaker, healer, wife, mother, coordinator, facilitator, artist, herbalist, naturalist, planner, student, conservationist and lover.

While I worked on creating the above list and looked it over, it simply screams ~ to serve others. Ever since I can remember, I have been driven to contribute to making the world a better place for my family, friends, community and myself. Sometimes, in very small ways, other times in more noticeable ways. When I think about it, I do not feel comfortable with taking more than my share or putting myself before others. My husband constantly reminds me of the emergency speech on airplanes, “Put the oxygen mask on first.” But, honestly I’ve always felt there was more than enough oxygen available after I help others first. In fact I feel giving first always returns tenfold to me. I really can’t help myself. No matter how hard I tried to put on the “oxygen mask” first, I would get distracted by someone else’s needs.

Put the oxygen mask on first before you assist others.

I found that the only way I could truly take care of my needs is to be alone so I could recharge. Then there were no distractions from “me.” I am not saying this is a healthy way of navigating the world; it is just my way of coping. When I was single and living on my own, being alone was a very easy thing to do. I just would not make plans or answer the phones for a period of time, usually a week or so. Sure, I would go to work, but once I got home, I was alone to refuel. After my time of refocusing and nourishing my mind, body and spirit, I was good to go out and could take care of the needs of others again. Now that I am a mother of a ten year old, wife, daughter of aging parents in their 8os, and dealing with my body new needs while going through the “Change” it’s not so easy. I try my best to be out in nature, sit, walk, and listen to sounds of life around me. This helps but does not really replenish my energy supply.  There just is not enough oxygen to go around right now. I know this too shall pass, but it’s a bitch to go through.

What do you do to refuel yourself during times of great need? Please share and I will continue to share.

 

 

Can’t seem to organize my thoughts

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Lately, I’ve had a very challenging time organizing my thoughts in a cohesive and interesting manner. For over two years, I have pledged to myself that I will publish two blogs per week. Nothing will happen if I don’t, I just created this goal, it felt right and I am a stickler for commitments.  Luckily, my darling husband has helped by writing several blogs during this time of “writer’s overload.” I really do have a lot to say. I started at least a dozen blogs that simply do not work ~ yet. I am confident that given some time to regroup and reorganize there will be a bountiful harvest of thoughts and wonderful information to share after I move through this period. So what’s the problem? After much contemplation, I can identify two basic circumstances that have contributed to my “writer’s overload.”

1. My father had a heart attack.

After Mathew was finished with school in June, we went to visit my folks in Florida. Although, my Dad having a heart attack, could not be said to be unexpected. After all he is an 87 year old man who has been dealing with arteriosclerosis for over forty years and had a triple bi-pass when he was 59, it was just a matter of time before something was going to happen. Needless to say, it was a shock. I stayed in Florida to help coordinate care and support my mom for almost a month, then my brother took over duties for two weeks, before I returned for another week. It has been a very busy summer.  

2. My body is moving out of the “childbearing years to maturity”.

One night after visiting my Dad all day at the hospital, my Mom and I watched “Real Time with Bill Maher.” I do not have cable, so it was a real treat. Sandra Tsing Loh was one of his guests. I had never heard of her but she was fabulous. She recently wrote “The Madwoman in the Volvo,” and dead-on with her analysis of what woman in their midlife are going through nowadays.

Here’s the clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQVwcYSfoGU&feature=youtube_gdata

Recently, I read a passage by Susun Weed: “Be gentle with yourself. The internal processes that occur during puberty, motherhood, menopause or any other profound change in your life require tremendous amounts of energy. Even if you provide yourself with very high quality nutrients and use your energy wisely, you may still feel unreasonably tired. Many cultures offer newborns and moms a quiet, alone month or more, allow menopausal women to retire for a year or more while they Change, and give grieving parents/partners/children/friends time off from responsibility. If yours doesn’t, if you can’t, at least be gentle with yourself.”

At this point, I realized that I just needed to give myself a break and focus on what is in front of me ~ coordinating services for my Dad and supporting my Mom during this period. I will start publishing new blogs when I am ready and my thoughts can be easily organized again. Although there is so much to do, I am attempting to be gentle on myself.

I hope you are gentle with yourself.